


The Love I Meant to Say

by IWillSinkWithMyShips



Series: Heart Shaped Wreckage [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Extremis barely mentioned, F/F, F/M, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Minor Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, SHIELD, Stuckony endgame, Younger Tony Stark, and not endgame in series, canon AU, like barely mentioned, like big time, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-02-27 10:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18737596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillSinkWithMyShips/pseuds/IWillSinkWithMyShips
Summary: MCU rewriteSteve Rogers was found much earlier, so was Bucky Barnes, and since the two of them had nowhere to go, Howard Stark took them in. Now the night of Tony's graduation fights occur, misunderstandings happen, and everyone ends broken-hearted.Part 1 of a series





	1. Sorry, that's the word I want to sing to you...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my very first Marvel Fic, this has been floating around my head in my head for a long time. It was actually supposed to be part of the WinterIronShield Big Bang 2019, but I am not complete sure what happened, so I decided to just publish it as it is. This all occurs in the 90's, Tony is 21 and graduating from MIT, the boys can't communicate well and shit hits the fan. Kudos and comments welcomed!
> 
> Titles taken from the TV Show SMASH, mostly second season songs, since that's all I listened to while writing this.

To say that Tony Stark had a strange life was the understatement of the century. He was the only son of weapons manufacturer Howard Stark and socialite Maria Stark nee Carbonell. At the age of four he had built his first circuit board At the age of 15 he began attending MIT and now at the age of 21 he had just graduated at the top of his class with a two Masters and a Doctorate. The young Stark internally sighed as he pretended to listen to whichever one of the board member that his dad had invited to his graduated party. His job at this event was to grin and bear as his parents paraded him around like some trophy to show off. He was no better than the expensive painting his mother purchased to show to her friends, no better than some article written about the empire his father had built.

Tony sighed and shook his head, there he went being the drama queen his father always called him. He just had to endure this party and then he'd be free to go celebrate with his friends. They were his favorite part about MIT. Rhodey had been his assigned roommate and had quickly became his best friend, his brother. He was always patient with him and his constant engineering binges. He kept people who would take advantage of the dumb young Stark kid and introduced him to his other best friend: Carol Danvers. Carol was a sarcastic, stubborn asshole. Which meant she and Tony got along like two peas in a pod. Rhodey liked to complain that he was a babysitter for the two of them but when it came down to it Rhodey was just as bad as the two of them, and he always covered for them. He came back to himself and realized that Old Guy McBoring was still talking...jeez...

He excused himself and found his way to the garden, surely they couldn't miss him for a couple of minutes...

"Leaving your own party huh? I don't think your mom will be too happy about that tomorrow." Tony startled and turned only to get the breath knocked out of his lungs. There stood another inexplicable part of Tony's life.

When he was just three years old his father had returned from one of his usual long trips with a surprise for Tony. That surprised had turned out to be Captain America himself, who after being suspended in ice a for almost thirty years was still alive thanks to the Super Soldier Serum. Steve Rogers had introduced himself to Tony by coming down to little Tony's level with a kind smile and a warm hand extended for a handshake. Tony had loved Steve instantly and followed him around like a lost puppy. Tony still remembers being a six year old and sitting in his huge library reading with Steve. Steve who never raised his voice at him and always answered all of Tony's questions with patience and a kind voice. Steve had been one of Tony's favorite people together with Jarvis and Aunt Peggy.

Years after that, Sergeant James "Bucky" Barnes had been found. No one had ever explained to Tony what had happened to Bucky, only that he needed to give him space. Tony had been 10 at the time, but he still remember the hunted look in Bucky's eyes, the way he seemed to lean on Steve for support and it had taken no hesitation on his part to go over and introduce himself. Steve had been alarmed and had looked at Tony with wide panicked eyes when he had burst into Steve's wing of the house. Tony remembers seeing Bucky tense and looking at him with wary eyes, but Tony also remembered how much it meant to him to have another friend besides Jarvis and Ana. So Tony vowed to become Sergeant Barnes's friend.

So a determined Tony had walked into the wing his father had given Steve and did what he always did while visiting Steve. He'd babbled. He had first introduced himself - because his mother and Jarvis had raised him to be polite - and then launched into a long description of what he'd done while Steve had been gone all the while throwing himself onto the couch across Steve and his friend were sitting. For some reason that had worked and soon Tony had found himself visiting the two heroes he had grown up listening stories about, first from Howard and later on from Steve, who had mainly focused on all the shenanigans he and his best friend had gotten up to, and soon Sergeant Barnes became Bucky.

And so Tony had grown up with Captain America and his Trusty Sidekick Bucky Barnes - Bucky doesn't exactly love being called the sidekick and so the Steve and Tony love to tease him about it - and at some point that hero worship had transformed into an embarrassing crush on the two super soldiers. Tony is smart enough to recognize that it was inevitable. After all, the two of them were the peak of human perfection and he knew from personal experience that they were also incredibly smart, kind and hilarious. It hadn't really surprised Tony when they'd told him that they were a couple, since the two of them just...made sense. It still didn't stop him from blushing every time he saw them nowadays.

It was mortifying.

"Hey!" good god his voice cracked! "I didn't see you guys come in!" Both men smiled at him fondly and all Tony could do was hope their heightened senses didn't let them hear his damn heartbeat.

"If you think we are subjecting ourselves to those vultures, you don't know us at all Tones." Bucky drawled as he joined Tony at the bench he was sitting at and threw an arm over his shoulders, "I love you, but I am not subjecting myself to that." Tony relaxed a little as he laughed and turned to Steve who sat on his other side.

"We wanted to congratulate you, but I also didn't want to take the focus from you. This party is to celebrate your accomplishments." Tony rolled his eyes.

"This party is so that Dad can brag to his friend about how smart his son is," Tony tried for a bored tone but the pinched look that the two older man got was clue enough that he'd failed, "But I'm used to it so don't worry about it. So what did you get me?!" He finished excitedly.

"And who says we got your spoiled ass anything you punk." Bucky slapped the back of his head as Tony laughed.

"Please! You guys love me! Plus, we both know that Captain Goody-Two Shoes would not show up to my party without a gift, so hand it over!"

"If you are going to make fun of me because I am polite then maybe I shouldn't give it to you," the Captain grumbled. Bucky and Tony both laughed at him as he pulled out a small box even as he spoke. Tony took it from him and opened it. Inside lay a necklace with an oddly shaped pendant. It had a beautiful gem at the base and an intricate design going down, it reminded Tony of something but he couldn't think of what.

"It's beautiful," he murmured, raising his eyes to meet two warm stares.

"We are glad you like it," said Bucky and then he got up and walked back into the house, not a minute later he was back with a large ornate box. "We were really hoping you did otherwise this would be awkward."

"What he's trying to say," huffed Steve, and pulled a necklace from under his dress shirt it look pretty similar to the one they'd given him, "is that it is part of a whole. You have always been a part of us Tony, a really important part. You were there when I was shoved into a new decade and learned everything alongside me, and you were there when I got Bucky back." He grabbed a hold of Bucky's hand and held it in that way Tony had always seen, like he was afraid he'd disappear at any time. Tony ignored the now familiar pang on his chest. "You helped me get him back from somewhere really dark and scary, and we will never be able to repay all that to you."

"Guys-"

"Sweetheart," Bucky said softly taking hold of one of his hands. "If the next words out of your mouth are something about how you didn't do anything then you are not nearly as bright as we all give you credit for." Steve laughed at the indignant look in Tony's face.

"Anyways, back to what I was saying, you are important to us and we can't picture a future without you, and we hope we don't have to. Bucky and I, we've lost so much to time that...it scares us to not have anything to remember the things we love the most. So, we thought we could do kind of a time capsule of sorts. Something that the three of us can come together to look at and reminiscence." Steve took of the necklace around his neck, and Tony noticed that Bucky was doing the same thing. Steve took Bucky's necklace, gently plied Tony's from his hand and put the three together.

"It's a key," Tony gasped. Steve smiled and used the key - secret key! - to open the box in Bucky's hands.

"We were hoping to make plans to meet later this week to get together and put in things that have brought the three of us together," said Bucky. "We already have ours, but we figured you'd need some time to decide." Tony nodded absently as he looked at the items already in the box. There were drawings Tony had worked on with Steve in his younger years, a small hat that Bucky had knit him years ago and that he'd thought lost, books they had read together. The first circuit board Tony had built, which until today Tony had thought his father had thrown away. And a cassette with songs that Ana liked to play while her and baked. Tony remembers being 15 and humming along to all the songs in this cassette as he followed Ana's instructions to making a pie. His parents had been away on a trip, having forgotten that Tony was coming home for the holidays, but Jarvis and Ana had not. They had stayed for him - despite Howard's protests - and invited Steve and Bucky, who had moved out of the Stark Mansion around the same time Tony left for MIT, and Aunt Peggy. Tony's vision blurred as he saw pictures, drawings, and other seemingly insignificant things that represented some of Tony's best memories.

"I don't - I don't know what to say this is..."

"Just say thank you honey," Steve said with a chuckle and ran his fingers through Tony's curls.

"Yeah, look, let;s get together this weekend and we can pick a place to bury this thing." Tony let out a chocked laugh, and closed the box again, while setting it next to him. He threw his arms around Bucky, who didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around him too, and felt the familiar warmth of Steve behind him as he joined them in a hug, and this was Tony's favorite place in the world, being held in their arms he felt safe, warm and loved.

"Tony?" Tony jumped away from the two super-soldiers in surprised - he decided to ignore the upset look on the two other men as he leaped back - and relaxed when he recognized the person that had interrupted them.

"Obie!" Tony ran and over to his Godfather. The other man laughed and threw his arms around the younger man. "I thought you were on a trip!"

"What?! You thought I'd miss your graduation party. Please, and look, I even got you a present." Obadiah handed Tony a wrapped package

"What is this?"

"This my dear boy... is the future, but you'll probably want to open that later, I see that you are otherwise engage at the moment, gentlemen." Obie finished with a smile and an extended hand towards Steve and Bucky. In their end Steve and Bucky returned Obadiah 's greeting politely. Steve and Bucky had never really warmed up to Obadiah, something that Tony had never understood. Obadiah had always interested in seeing Tony's new inventions and thoughts on the future for Stark Industries. He'd even visited him while he'd been at MIT and walk though all of his projects with Tony.

Yet, Steve and Bucky remained distantly polite.

"Mr. Stane, good to see you again," Steve said while giving Obadiah's hand a quick shake. Bucky simply nodded.

"The future?" Bucky drawled with nod towards Tony and the package in his hand.

"Yes," Obie said, smile firmly in place, "Tony mentioned that he was interested in advancing medicine, and I found some notes by some of Medicine's top researchers. Figured our Tony here would like to see where we currently stand in medical advances."

"Thanks Obie! I'll take a look at it tonight," and with that he put his present away. His hands itched to open it and start reading it, but he'd understood Obie's hidden warning.

For the past 6 months, Tony had asked Obie to look for whispered legend, a project called EXTREMIS, research into bio-mechanics that Tony wanted to help with. To try and understand it and use it to find the cure to many incurable diseases. He knew that if he could take a look at the data he could help unlock it. The researcher, Maya Hansen, had suddenly gone underground and Tony had been unable to reach her, but if anyone could find her it would be Obie. So he'd asked Obie for help, and in exchanged Obie had only asked for opinions and improvements into some designs. However, he knew that there were rumors running around that EXTREMIS was another go at the Super Soldier Serum that had given Steve, and later on Bucky, their abilities. Tony could not be less interested in that, he just wanted to help people.

"Well I'll go inside and greet tonight's guests. It's only a matter of minutes before Howard comes and takes me away anyway. Gentlemen," he nodded towards the other two men, and clapped a hand on Tony's shoulder, "Tony, again congratulations. I hope you enjoy my present and let me know if you have any questions." Tony hugged Obie in thanks one more time and watched him walk back inside, but when he turned he saw the two soldier glare at Obie's back.

"Ok, what is it with you two against Obie?" Tony asked exasperated.

"We just don't trust him doll," Bucky said, not even trying to defend himself and Steve, "And you shouldn't either."

"Why not?" Tony warily asked, "do you guys know something I don't?" Obie had never been anything but kind and understanding with Tony, but if Steve and Bucky knew something...

"No," Steve replied this time, "no, Tony, we just.... have this gut feeling, and we'd rather you didn't really associate yourself with him.

A gut feeling... _Seriously_?

"Wha- A Gut feeling?! Steve, you and Bucky are just being overly protective for no reason. Obie has always looked out for me and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him. I am not going to just not talk to _my Godfather_ because you and Bucky-bear here have a gut feeling that he _might_ not be a great guy." Tony snarked with an eye roll.

"Tony" Steve warned with a slightly hurt look, that immediately made Tony feel guilty.

"We are just looking out for you kid," And wow, Bucky should not have said that, because now Tony was right back to angry, "we don't want you to be taken advantage of by some shark."

"Why? Because I am just some dumb _kid_ , that doesn't know how to look out for himself? I need you two as babysitters?" he spit back.

"That is not what we are saying Tony," Steve said sternly, and he seemed to want to drop the fight, but his partner looked ready to put Tony over his knee and spank him for being a brat...and wasn't that an image.

' _Focus, you dumb slut_ ,' a voice that sounded suspiciously like Carol's said in his head.

"Stop twisting our words, you know that's now what I meant. This is not about you, it's about Obadiah Stane being nothing but a snake oil salesman, who will not hesitate to drop you the minute you stop being useful to him!" came the growl, and Tony saw red, he couldn't even stop the word vomit that came from his mouth.

"Oh that's rich coming fro the two of you! You two split the moment I was accepted to MIT and not once did you try to contact me. Not a call, or letter, or much less a fucking visit! I only saw you whenever I came over back home to visit which was maybe once a year! You know who did visit? OBIE! Obie was there for me, he called me regularly to check on me, made sure I was comfortable, came in and listen to me babble about robots for hours! And I am suppose to not trust him?!" Tony swiped a hand through his face and ignored the slight wetness in his eyes, because he was _not_ crying like a _fucking baby_.

"Tony," Steve croaked, and when Tony turned back he saw that the other two men looked pale and stricken, "Tony we just...Tony we had already taken so much of your childhood, we didn't want to impose on your college experience too. Jesus, Tony is not because we don't love you!" Steve walked towards him and dragged him back into the bench, where the two men he loved carefully wrapped him back into their arms.

"Tony," Bucky said and paused to press a kiss to his forehead, "I am so sorry, if we made you feel like we.. _.didn't care_ , God, that's the furthest thing from the truth. We just wanted to give you the space and not feel...smothered. You were in college with people closer to you age and who are almost as smart as you and we didn't want to ruin that for you." Steve hummed in agreement and raised one of Tony's hands to his mouth to give it a kiss.

"I was lonely, all the other kids wanted nothing to do with some weird 15-year-old rich boy. Hell, half of them thought I had bought my way in." The arms around him tightened, "but then Rhodey came and he brought Carol with him, and Carol has this girlfriend Maria, and then I wasn't alone. But I still missed you guys. It kinda felt like you were done with the snotty little kid that wouldn't leave you alone."

"Honey, no. We missed you too."

"Those times that we saw you? During the holidays? Those were precious to us, we were so glad to have you back if even for a little while."

"SHIELD just about lost it every time we denied missions just to come over and see you." Tony's heart warmed and he closed his eyes letting their reassurances wash over him. This was where he wanted to spend the rest of his life, in their arms feeling loved....

"Why don't you open you present? You seemed really excited earlier, let's see what you got." The way Steve had said it, so casually, could've fooled anyone. It sounded bright, optimistic, and just the right amount of curious. But Tony had known Steve for years, he'd known him and Bucky better than he knew himself...

...which is why it hurt when he saw the lie in his eyes. He wasn't simply changing the subject, he was lying to see what was in the package.

 _'Liar!'_ came the thought full of pain and disbelief.

"I think I'm good actually." He bit out coldly while he ripped himself away from them.

"Sweetheart," Bucky tried.

" _Are you serious?_ You think I can't tell when you are lying?! You really think I am that _stupid_?!"

"Of course not! Tony we meant everything we said and you are the smartest person we know! But the world isn't kind to kind-hearted people like you, and I am sorry that you can't see that we are just trying to protect you!" Steve was on his feet and Bucky followed at a slower pace.

"Tony," Bucky sternly took over, "you know we think the world of you, and we would gladly lay down our life for you. And you are right, you know us, you've known us for a long time. So you know that we mean it when we say we love you and we just want to protect you...just like we know when you are hiding something from us. So just tell us, tells us what it is that Stane has you working on, and if it's something dangerous, let us help you."

"Are you listening to yourselves? You sound insane right now! What Obie has me working on? I am not working on anything for him! Yes, I do give input on some designs but that's insignificant, and what does it matter if I do anyway, I am going to be designing for SI soon enough!" Tony was surprised no one had come out with how loud they were being, but it was for the best. Steve and Bucky had a wild look in their face and Tony couldn't stop the angry tears in his eyes. It was humiliating.

"Then what did Obadiah just give you?!" Bucky asked accusingly and pointed at the package.

"Tony we are not stupid either, stop lying to us!" Steve yelled, and yanked him closer by the arm...and that broke Tony. Steve and Bucky had never hurt or yelled at Tony. They always treated him gently, spoke in measured volumes, because they suspected his parents didn't extend him that courtesy. Tony loved them for it. And now...

"Stop it," Tony sobbed, "you are hurting me, please..."

Steve let him go as if he'd been burned, Bucky took a step back. The anger washed out of the captain and his sergeant quickly and left behind wide eyes and pale faces.  
"Tony," Steve croaked brokenly, "I am so sorry!"

"Yeah, you've been saying that a lot tonight," Tony said as he brought his arm closer to himself.

"What is going on in here?!" Someone had finally heard them.

"Nothing Jarvis," Tony said hollowly, "This conversation is over." With that he ran towards the exit ignoring the calls for his name. He should meet Rhodey and Carol anyway.


	2. ...the other word is stay...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MCU rewrite
> 
> Steve Rogers was found much earlier, so was Bucky Barnes, and since the two of them had nowhere to go, Howard Stark took them in. Now the night of Tony's graduation fights occur, misunderstandings happen, and everyone ends broken-hearted.
> 
> Part 1 of a series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this whole series planned in my head....but getting it written is hard! I ended up having to add another chapter, I'll do my best to have the next one up very soon! Thank you for the kudos and comments you guys are amazing!!

Bucky watched as Tony ran out and tried to follow only to be stopped by an arm extended in front of him,

 

"Mr. Barnes, I think it's best you and Mr. Rogers explain to me what just occurred here." said the British butler.

 

"Mr. Jarvis, please we need to talk to Tony." said his boyfriend in a chocked voice, the other man simply raised an eyebrow in his direction.

 

"Mr. Rogers, I walked in on Anthony holding his hand and crying, so you will explain to me what is going on right now." That caused his boyfriend to fall back into the bench and hide his face behind his hands.

 

"I hurt him, God Mr. Jarvis, you are right to be mad at me. I hurt him, I can't believe I just grabbed him like that. Who does that? I could've really hurt him!"

 

"Stevie," he consoled and took a seat next to him, "you didn't mean to. Things just got out of control."

 

"Mr. Rogers," Jarvis said as he approached the two other men, "for as long as I've know you and Mr. Barnes, you have treated Anthony kindly, and you seemed really regretful of your actions. So I won't hold it against you...too much. But I will insist that you tell me what caused your confrontation."

 

"Mr. Jarvis, with all due respect, an explanation would require certain clearance with SHIELD."

 

"Well Mr. Barnes, with all due respect, the missions I worked with Ms. Carter for SHIELD at the risk of my life many times, and I feel I'm owed some sort of trust." Bucky sighed and nudged Steve with his arm until bright blue eyes met his. Steve sighed as well.

 

"Well he's not wrong...and maybe he could talk to Tony and make sure that everything is fine."

 

"What does Anthony have to do with SHIELD, and the fight you all just had."

 

"Mr. Jarvis," Bucky said while running a hand through his hair, "have you ever heard of a group called Hydra?"

 

“The Nazi group you and Mr. Rogers helped dismantle back in the 40’s?”

 

“Yes, except they weren’t really dismantled and have been secretly operating for years.”

“They are the ones that found me in the ice all those years ago, they gave me this arm” he waved his metal arm, clearly uncomfortable “pumped me with the last of their super soldier serum, and recalibrated my brain a couple of times.”

 

“When Hydra heard that I had been found, they had sent Bucky to bring me in. They hadn’t planned for Bucky to break though his brainwashing, so I was able to get though to him and rescue him from their clutches.” Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky, he knew that talking about this was always hard for Bucky, and he could also tell that Jarvis was shocked by what he was hearing.

 

“So Steve rescued me, and we took the time to get settled…to heal ourselves. But the thought of Hydra just running around? It didn’t sit well with us, so we joined SHIELD and have been working with them to bring down Hydra.”

 

“How does Anthony fit into this?”

 

“Around the time Tony went off to MIT we were closing in on some of HYDRA’s biggest members. If you remember we were gone for very long periods during that time, it’s why we moved out in the first place. It made sense, Tony was leaving and we weren’t around as often, so we decided to start living in SHIELD’s headquarters. A month into us moving we received a package addressed to the two of us. We had just gotten back from a mission, and when we opened the envelope there were only two things inside, a picture of Tony at campus and a note that demanded we call off our search.”

 

“We immediately brought up the issue to Peggy, she’s his Godmother and we knew that her priority would be his safety too.” Bucky picked up where Steve left off, “She agreed that we needed to take a step back, and assigned agents to infiltrate MIT to keep an eye on Tony…and then she recommended that we cut back our communication with Tony. It was obvious that Hydra knew he was important to us, and that had made him a target. So we agree to keep our distance. For his safety.”

 

“He did mention the two of you cutting off ties, rather abruptly.”

 

“We didn’t mean to hurt him Jarvis, if nothing else, believe that. Hurting Tony was the last thing in our minds. But we know our enemy and what they are capable of, and we were not risking Tony. We limited ourselves to the few visits we could have, even if it hurt.”

 

“And while I understand that, the two of you must know how much that hurt him. He’s in love with the two of you, he’s been for many years. I am sure you know that.” Steve and Bucky both looked up.

 

“We know,” said the brunette, “and you must know that we love him too. When he was younger, we just thought it was cute. He was just a kid and he didn’t really get out much. It was kinda natural for him to develop a crush, so we didn’t encourage or anything. But this past few years? It was like meeting a completely different person and yet knowing everything about them. Me and Stevie with been in love with each other for so long, it took us a while to realize what was really happening but….”

 

“We fell in love. We are in love with him, which is why we want to protect him.”

 

“What was tonight’s argument about?”

 

“Obadiah Stane,” Steve said darkly. “In our hunt for Hydra we came found Stane's name in one of HYDRA's files. We can't really connect him with Hydrabut he wouldn't be the first member to erase all evidence connecting him to the organization."

 

"So you think Mr. Stane is involved with Hydra, and dangerous to Anthony because of that?"

 

"It's not just that he might hurt him. Tony is a genius his inventions are going to change the world, everyone knows that, and that might make him appealing to an organization like Hydra. Back in the 40's they had this scientist, Dr. Zola, who was a vile man, but also brilliant. He's the one who built my arm and who helped create the Winter Soldier. That's me by the way, that's what they called me, when they bent me to their will and made me their weapon, and he also helped bring Hydra to the height of their power." He slumped back against Steve.

 

"You think he's trying to recruit Anthony."

 

"We know Tony wouldn't hurt anyone, but Hydra is notorious for making it's followers believe their mission. Also, with the trust Tony has on Stane? They wouldn't even need to tell Tony who he was really working for."

 

"Then why not warn him? Pull him aside and explain to him what's going on?"

 

"Because we are idiots Jarvis," Bucky groaned, "we cut off Tony completely, to protect him, and Stane used that opportunity to get closer to him. Why would Tony trust the two idiots who abandoned him over the guy that has been there for him all these years?"

 

"There is also," Steve continued in a hollow voice, "another possibility. It's one that me and Bucky don't want to believe, but one that SHIELD sees as a possibility... Awhile ago, Tony's name was flagged when he tried to gain access to classified files regarding a different version of the Super Soldier Serum. We know that Hydra has not stopped looking into it since the 40's and that they are recruiting the brightest minds to get them working on it. Shortly after Obadiah Stane was also seen trying to get access to files and notes on the same project Tony was looking into."

 

"SHIELD is under the belief that Tony may have already been recruited and that he has been tasked with getting this new serum working. Me and Steve obviously don't want to believe that, because despite having little contact with him this past few years, we still know Tony, and he would never willingly hurt anyone. So we wanted to talk to him, we were making plans to get together again when Stane walked in. He handed Tony a package that Tony immediately tried to hide. We’ve known him for years, despite the years we were apart, we know what Tony looks like when he’s trying to hide something…and when he refused to tell us what it was or open it…we freaked out.” Bucky finished with a scowl.

 

“We are not proud of how we reacted, but to see him hiding something from us, specially when it could implicate him in some really terrible things, it hurt us and made us angry. But never again Jarvis, we never want Tony to feel hurt or threatened by us" Steve finished and chanced a glance towards the butler. He wanted to make sure that the older man understood. He and Bucky knew, that the Starks had a strained relationship with their only son, and that Jarvis and his wife Ana were perhaps the closest thing Tony had to loving parents. Jarvis stared at the two of them for awhile, an impassive look in his face.

 

"What if I talked to him? And explained to him what you guys suspect? I can try to see if Mr. Stane has indeed tried to involve Anthony in illegal activities." The two other man turned to him with eyes full of relief.

 

"Are you sure? Mr. Jarvis, we don't wish to put your relationship with Tony at risk."

 

"You will be doing no such thing. I will speak with Anthony when I get back, first I have to drive Mr. & Mrs. Stark to the airport."

 

"Right, their holiday trip. Won't Tony be joining them?" asked Bucky.

 

"No, despite the fact that they do love each other.... things have always been strained between them. Anthony has decided to spend Christmas with Ana and I. The two of you are more than welcome to join us."

 

"Thank you Mr. Jarvis, for everything. We will be delighted to join you guys again." replied Steve with a smile.

 

"There is one thing I wanted to mention before I left. The two of you mentioned receiving a package at SHIELD headquarters. Do you think that SHIELD has been infiltrated by Hydra? It seems like they are well informed and to be able to get so close to you is no easy feat."

 

"It's something Bucky and I have suspected," Steve sighed, "but it wasn't well received when we mentioned it to SHIELD."

 

"Be that as it may, perhaps you should be careful on who you trust there."

 

"Thanks Mr. Jarvis."

 

"No problem gentlemen, now, I really must go get everything ready for Mr. & Mrs. Stark's trip, it is rather unfortunate they had to take this trip the same night of this party. But before I go," the butler stopped his exit and turned to the other two men with a serious look on his face, "if any of you ever hurt Anthony again, no matter how unintentionally, even SHIELD won't be able to find your bodies. Have a pleasant evening gentlemen." And with that the old butler left the two supersoldiers frozen in place.

 

"Did he just--"

 

"Yup."

 

"You know... I don't think that's an empty threat."

 

"Good." The two shared an incredulous smile. They eventually made it inside the party and did the obligatory rounds while keeping an eye out for Tony. The two still wanted to talk to the short brunette and and at the very least apologize for theevents earlier that evening. They had already made sure to have one of the maids take their present to Tony's room since he'd left it in his haste to leave the conversation, and where now simply standing in a corner making short conversation with those who approached them. And very pointedly glared at Stane as he had loud booming conversations with other guests.

 

"What do you think his endgame is?" Bucky muttered low enough so that only Steve could hear.

 

"What do you mean?" he replied in the same tone.

 

"Well, he might be Hydra, but he strikes me more as a greedy asshole than a evil cult follower."

 

"So you don't really think he's Hydra?"

"Well, he might be. But I have been thinking of the way Tony trusts him... there is no guarantee that he will follow him to a cult just because that's his Godfather, no matter how close they are, Tony is too smart for that. So why make sure to gain Tony's complete and total trust? If it was really a Hydra mission, why not introduce him to other members and make sure that Tony believes their whole mission. Why let him be? Hell, they could have kidnapped him and forced him to create for them." A shudder ran through Steve at Bucky's words.

 

"You are not wrong. Maybe his interest in Tony is more personal. But what does he get from having Tony on his side? He already has Howard reliant on him. He handles all of Stark Industries's deals while Howard hosts parties, and tinkers in his shop."

 

"Yes, but when was the last time that Howard actually produced something revolutionary?" Steve turned a startled look at his boyfriend.

 

"You think he's after the empire. He's done with Howard so he's moving on to the prodigal son."

 

"Tony is the heir to the whole thing. But anyone who knows him, knows that he has no wish to actually run the company. He just wants to change the world with his inventions. He doesn't want the actual business dealings. He'd probably pass that off to someone he trust....like Obadiah." Steve turned his head back to the party and thought it over. What Bucky was saying made sense, a lot of sense actually. They could never truly tie Obadiah to Hydra, probably because he wasn't actually a member, just someone who profited from their chaos.

 

"Even if that's true, we still have no proof, we don't even have enough to bring it to SHIELD and ask them to launch a full investigation."

 

“A full investigation won’t work anyway. We are better off going undercover.” Steve froze at that.

 

“Undercover? Stane has known us for years.”

 

“All we need is the right ticket to gain his confidence, and if we are right about him just being a dirty business man, we have a great one.” Bucky continued to glare at the few people left at the party as Steve tried to settle the uncomfortable feeling he’d gotten at the pit of his stomach.

 

“What ticket? What are you talking about?” Steve stared intently at Bucky until the other man turned to him with an empty look in his eyes.

 

“Hail Hydra.”


	3. ...to hear the love I meant to say.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MCU rewrite
> 
> Steve Rogers was found much earlier, so was Bucky Barnes, and since the two of them had nowhere to go, Howard Stark took them in. Now the night of Tony's graduation fights occur, misunderstandings happen, and everyone ends broken-hearted.
> 
> Part 1 of a series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive!! I got really stuck for some reason. I definitely knew where I wanted to go, but for some reason I really struggled to *actually* write it. I started like two other fics and wrote a one shot I am actually really excited to publish, but I didn't want to post without actually finishing this one. I am really excited for the next part (maybe parts) but I don't wanna publish it until I actually have the whole thing written but I do plan to write very soon! I actually already have the first quarter and an actually outline to help me finish this time. Also, I will be editing some mistakes in previous chapters because they keep bugging me lol!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy the third and final part of this installment. Drop me a comment and let me know what you think!

Tony returned home hours later, after having spent the past couple of hours with Carol and Rhodey wallowing in self pity.

"Those guys are jackasses and you deserve better than to be treated like that. Just say the word Tony and I promise you I will find a way to cause them pain."

"Rhodes is right! Between him, me and Maria too, we can do some damage."

"Thanks guys," Tony said nursing his drink, "and as fun a that sounds I'm going to have to pass. I still love them, and I'll forgive them, like always."

"Tones," his Rhodeybear sighed, "you got to learn to put yourself first. Because they obviously wont."

And now Tony was back home. He'd managed to get back before his parents and Jarvis left for the airport, and awkwardly said goodbye to his parents. And Jarvis, but Jarvis had been ... weird.

_"Anthony, my boy, I am dropping off your parents but when I get back, could you join me in your father's study? There is something I would like to talk to you about."_

Tony had agreed and decided to wait for Jarvis in the study anyway, he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

"I must say gentlemen, I am surprised." Obie's voice came from within the study. Was Obie entertaining board members?

"HYDRA opened my eyes to a new mission Mr. Stane, and Stevie here? Steve has never been able to deny me anything." Was that _Bucky?!_

"Not even joining HYDRA?" HYDRA?!

"When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost. They didn't even think about what I'd lost. Me and Bucky, we are together 'til the end of the line, and I'll follow wherever he goes." Unable to keep his curiosity in check, Tony quietly made his way to the small secret entranced he'd used as a child whenever he wanted to join his father in his study. He hadn't used in well over a decade, but he needed to know what was happening in that room.

Why were Steve and Bucky talking to Obie, after telling Tony to stay away? To not trust him? And what was this about HYDRA? Tony knew how much HYDRA had hurt Bucky and now he was saying he was part of it? It made no sense! He felt stone cold sober and nauseous as he made his way to the small hidden passage to a hidden door at a dark corner of the study. He opened the door slightly and looked in. There behind his Father's desk sat Obie, his face set on a contemplating smile, across from him sat Bucky and Steve both meeting Obie's stare dead on.

"Well gentleman I can't say I am not surprised over this turn of events. To be quite honest, I am finding it a little hard to believe. What assurances do I have that what you are saying is true." Bucky met his gaze head on.

"Let's not dance around the issue, you want us to 'prove' our loyalty. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I've heard all about the Winter Soldier, and I wonder if you could take care of a problem for me." Bucky's eyes narrowed.

_'Winter Soldier?_ ' Tony mouthed the words.

"Who's the target?" Bucky replied roughly, Steve was still besides him, but Tony could sense the tension all over his body. Obadiah smirked and walked towards Howard's safe.

"Should be an easy target. I just need someone out of the way." Tony watched, frozen were he hid, as Obadiah pulled a small red book from the safe. He opened it, his back still to the other two men in the room, and Tony observed that it had a start on the front, no title. "You see, recently Howard has been contemplating changing the direction of the company, move on to renewable energy or some other hippy crap. And he won't listen when I tell him that America needs weapons. It's what the government gives us those contracts for. But he just. wont. listen." Obadiah still hadn't turned back to the other two men, and Tony struggled not to make a noise. What was Obadiah saying? He wouldn't....was he?... His dad? target? for what?

"You want to take out the Starks?"

"Not all of them, Tony still has his uses. He's a genius, even more than his father. He's my golden goose!" Obadiah laughed, he gave the page he'd been reading over and over a final glance and threw the red book back on the safe. Tony's vision went blurry and he realized there were tears in his eyes. He wiped his eyes and swallowed the sob aching to come out.

"Does Tony know you are Hydra?" Steve's voice was quiet but firm.

"The less Tony knows the better. I would hate to have to get rid of him soon too."

"Perhaps we can help you there," Bucky said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you want Tony's inventions sure, but do you really want him to be acting CEO? What if he wants to make the same changes his old man did? No. You want Tony working but not involved in the company."

"And how do you suggest I handle it."

"Let us," Steve responded, "it's no secret Tony has a certain...infatuation with us. Let us comfort him. Take him away. Keep him docile but working. Give him what his attention-hungry little heart desires. We'll make sure you get your weapons." Tony bit down on his fist as his heart broke into million pieces. All this time, none of them truly cared. Obadiah had been after his family's company, only saw him as a toll to get what he wanted. And Bucky and Steve...

"And what do you get from that?" Obadiah asked.

"We further Hydra's hold on the world. Stark Industries is the number one weapon's manufacturer. Hydra has already planted the seed within SHIELD and slowly climbing up the political ladder." Bucky said firmly.

"I'm sure you and Tony will make sure that the two of us are comfortable as well." Steve joined.

Tony felt sick. Tears clouded his eyes and his chest ached. This couldn't be happening. This was nightmare. He needed to get out here.

"Of course, of course. This all sounds great and all, but I'm sure you'll understand, I need some insurance." Tony couldn't bear it anymore, he quietly made his way out. He needed to get out of here. Call Jarvis, Ana, Rhodey, Carol, anyone. He need to think. To process everything. He ignored the still ongoing conversation and left as quietly as possible.

"Soldat."

"Wha-?"

"No." Tony ignored Bucky's voice.

"Longing....Rusted...." Tony ran to the only safe place he could think of.

\-----

"Ana. Ana. Open up please!" Tony did his best not to scream, but continued pounding on the Jarvis's door. "Ana!"

"Dear Lord child! what is the matter with you? Do you have-" Ana opened the door and Tony barreled past her and into the small house. "Have you completely lost your mind?!"

"Ana, Ana, please" Tony cried into his hands. Ana's face dropped and she hurried to Tony's side and enveloped him in her tiny arms.

"What's wrong baby? What happened Anthony?"

"I... I don't know. Obi--" his hands shook as he tried to take deep breaths to calm down, "Obadiah. Bucky. Steve." His voice broke at the two last names.

"What did they do?"

"They...I overheard them. Talking. In Dad's office. They have all been lying all this time."

"What?"

"Ana, they said they were all Hydra. That Nazi organization Dad said that Steve took down back in the 40's."

"Hydra?! Are you sure that is what they said? Anthony?!" Ana wailed.

"Yes, I don't understand.." Ana got to her feet in a flash. she locked the door and quickly made sure all curtains were shut, she turned off the lights and moved Tony away from the windows. "Wha- Ana? What's going on?!"

"Anthony, listen to me. It is very important you tell me exactly what they said. Don't skip anything. Tell me. Did they plan something? Did they mention anyone? Hurting anyone?" Ana moved the coffee table and the carpet under it. There she began to remove the floor boards and from inside she took out several guns.

"What is- Ana? What's going on?"

"Anthony! Focus! I'll explain later. I promise. Please." Tony looked at her and took a deep breath. He trusted her.

"Obadiah mentioned a Winter Soldier," Ana cursed and ran into her room, returned in a black pants ensemble and motioned at Tony to continue, "and he said that he needed Bucky and Steve to prove their loyalty. Then he went on about how he needed to take out my family, bu-...but keeping me alive to produce weapons. Then....then Bucky and Steve offered to make use of my stupid crush on them and keep me away from the company...making weapons. All to further Hydra's agenda and to be 'kept comfortable'" Tony finished in a broken voice. He looked at Ana who was now finished loading up a bag with guns and other weapons, and just what was happening?

"Oh little one, I am so sorry. This must be very hard for you and what I am about to tell you won't help much either." Ana walked over to Tony and grabbed his face on her hands.

"What? What do you mean?" Ana walked him over to take a seat.

"Anthony, the Winter Soldier is a codename for a lethal assassin employed by Hydra. Many have died at his hand and he's one of the most dangerous men in the world."

"But who is he? Did Obi- Did Stane hire him? Is he coming for us? How do you know all this? Where did you get all these guns, Ana what is happening?!"

"I know this has been an insane night for you Anthony, but I need you to take a deep breath. You are in danger, we all are. But specially your parents and Edwin. The Winter Soldier was almost a myth, no one ever knew his real name or even knew what he sounded or looked like. But awhile ago I managed to learn his name." Ana paused, "his name was James Buchanan Barnes."

"Wha- Bucky?! He wouldn't... Wha- No!"

"I'm sorry Anthony, I am. But it's all true, that's where he received a version of the Super Soldier Serum. Rumor at shield is that he was taken as a prisoner by Hydra back in the 40s and later brainwashed to do their bidding. It would make sense, sighting of the Winter Soldier stopped when he came to live here. Rogers must have found him and brought him back to Shield." The roar of a motorcycle startled them apart as the bike raced away. Soon after a second roar followed.

"What? I don't understand," Tony ran his hands through his hair. He felt like he was in a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. Nothing made sense right now. Not Obadiah, not Bucky, not Steve and not...Ana...

"That had to be Barnes and Rogers! If they really are Hydra then they must be after Edwin and your parents. Anthony stay here. I have to go after them."

"Ana? How do you know all this? What is it with all these weapons? You seemed prepared for this, and you seem to know a lot more than any housewife should." Tony couldn't handle another betrayal. Specially form Ana.

"Anthony..."

"Ana, please." Tony turned to her, eyes wild, "tell me. I feel like I'm going crazy! Obadiah, Bucky and Steve have apparently only gotten close to me because of what I could do for them. Are you... are you and Jarvis..?"

"Anthony, no!" She ran to him and took him into her arms. "I know this is all very confusing, and you deserve the truth, but please know that I didn't hide this out of malicious intent or because I had some sort of secret plot. Edwin knows and your father but that's it." She sat them both down and took Tony's hands in hers.

"Ana..."

"Anthony, my name hasn't always been Ana. I changed it years ago when I first met Edwin. I decided that a fresh start needed a new name. My old life was one filled with so much death and suffering, and I wanted nothing to do with it."

"Your...your name...?"

"When Edwin and your Aunt Peggy met me, I was going by Dottie. I was born in Russia and raised by a secret organization known as The Red Room. There I was trained to be a spy and assassin and that's the life I had until they rescued me." Tony stared at her in shock. Everything was falling apart.

"What?!"

"I am sorry little one, but I must go. We can talk more when I return. I have to make sure your parents and Edwin are okay." Ana - Dottie? No. Ana - grabbed the bag with the guns and made for the door.

"Wait! Ana! I want to come with you." She froze and turned.

"Anthony. No."

"Ana, please. I am scared. I am confused and if you leave right now how will I know you are okay?" Ana sighed and hugged Tony to herself.

"Okay, let's go."

\----------------------------

They were gone.

His parents.

Jarvis.

Gone.

The car was crashed against a tree, no doubt made to look like an accident. Tony fell down to his knees as Ana ran to the vehicle to check on their family.

But Tony knew what he'd seen.

Steve with Bucky at his back racing away on his motorcycle. They didn't even spare Ana's car a glance, too preoccupied with making their escape. They weren't on their mission uniforms, but that did not make them any less dangerous. Tony had heard his dad speak about Steve and Bucky once. He'd called Steve a "force to be reckoned with" and Bucky had been called _lethal_. Tony knew before he saw it that they wouldn't leave their task unfinished.

His family was gone.

And Bucky and Steve had taking care of the task.

They killed his parents.

And Jarvis.

He heard Ana let out a chocked sob from the car as she leaned on the driver's door confirming what Tony already knew.

Everything in his brain went quiet as he slowly got to his feet and made his way to see his family one more time. He spotted his father first, Howard's head was matted with blood and Tony couldn't think about the million arguments he'd always had with his father. Instead he remembered his father helping him build his first circuit board, a warm hand in his shoulder when he received his acceptance to MIT. When his eyes moved to the still figure of his mother he didn't remember the feeling of abandonment he'd felt when his mother couldn't visit him at boarding school due to her many social events. No he thought of his mother speaking to him in Italian and teaching him how to play the piano.

And then there was Jarvis. A man that for all intents and purposes had treated him as his own son. He'd taught Tony how to drive, he'd given Tony "the talk" and taught him to always do his best to treat others with kindness, and now he was gone. Gone, because Steve and Bucky had decided that perhaps the Nazis had been right. They decided that the world needed to burn and to retire using Tony as their cash cow and pet.

Tony felt cold and empty.

He pulled Ana into his arms and held her as she mourned her husband and when he finally caught sight of Jarvis, tears blurred his vision.

"Edwin, oh Edwin," Ana cried, "he's gone Anthony. He was the first one to see something in me worth saving and now he's gone." Tony cried with her and held her tighter. They stood like that for awhile until Ana raised her face to face Tony. She cleaned her tears and cleared her throat. "We gotta call Peggy."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? Tony we gotta tell shield about Barnes and Rogers."

"You really think they'll believe us?"

"What?" Ana stared at him with wide eyes. Tony remembers associating anger with heat, fire, but the anger that ran though him at the moment was cold. Cold and dark.

"Barnes and Rogers are Shield's top agents. They are American heroes. Captain America and his trusty sidekick," he sneered, "you and I? We are a grieving son and a former Soviet spy. We have no proof." Ana turned away and looked away.

"But Peggy, Peggy would believe us. She knows I left that life behind and you are her godson."

"And she's known them since the 40's, hell" he huffed, "she used to have a crush on Steve. You really think she'll take our side."

"Then what do we do Anthony?!" She turned back to face him, her eyes bright, "we walk away and let them get away with it? They murdered Edwin!"

Tony couldn't believe everything that had happened that night. Just yesterday he'd still been a gullible idiot living off of the scraps of affection St - Rogers and Barnes had thrown at him. Just yesterday his parents and Jarvis had still been alive.  
"We make them wish they had actually died during the war." Ana stared at him in disbelief. Tony met her gaze head on.

"Oh my child," she took his hands in hers, "don't let this ruin your heart." She raised a hand to his cheek, and Tony closed his eyes at the small comfort.

"I think it's too late for that Ana." She pulled him to her arms and he hugged her to him. She was the only family he had left.

"What do you have in mind?"

 

\--------

 

Bucky felt as Steve tightened his arms around him. He knew that Steve wanted to comfort him, but all he wanted to do was rip his arms away and tell him to go, to run away as far as he could and protect himself against the monster that Hydra had turned him into. But he was afraid of hurting Steve. 

The way he had hurt Tony. 

He had murdered the parents of the man he loved. He had murdered his friends. Howard, Maria, Jarvis. Ten words and he was a murder puppet again. It was all his fault, he should have known Hydra would give Stane those damn words. 

Tony would never forgive him. 

Three sharp knocks came from their door and Bucky felt as Steve tensed with him. Had someone found out? Bucky can't actually remember carrying out the - the mission, and Steve who had gotten there too late to actually stop him, had barely had time to do anything else besides snap him out of it and get him away from the scene. They didn't even stop to see if there had been cameras close by. The knocks came again, this time louder and faster. Bucky got to his feet and steeled himself to meet any consequences. 

"Buck-" He ignored Steve and stumped towards the door. "Wait! Bucky!" Bucky ripped open the door, and met the red eyes of Peggy Carter.

"Can I come in?" she asked, and Bucky stepped aside to let her in, she obviously wanted to do this as quietly as possible. 

"Peggy," Steve greeted her, his eyes were wild and his voice sounded tense, but Peggy simply walked towards their couch and motioned at them to join her. 

"I believe it's better that the two of you sit down for this." Her voice cracked and she dropped her head to her hands. Bucky took a seat and felt Steve fall behind him as well, the only sounds came from Peggy's sniffles. 

"Peggy," Steve began softly.

"The Starks are gone." she said her voice rough and her eyes bright as she raised them again, "an accident. They were on their way to their airport and must have encountered an inebriated driver that drove them off of the road. All four passengers died on impact." Bucky clenched his jaw and dropped his head. So she didn't know. Yet.

"Wh-, Wait" Steve was caught off guard as well. "They are all gone?" Bucky didn't pay attention to Peggy's response. He knew already. The Soldier left no survivors. Hydra had turned him into the perfect weapon. The lives of three friends were not any different than...

Wait.

Wait.

No.

No...

"All four?" he croaked out, interrupting Peggy's explanation of the accident. Steve stopped breathing behind him. Peggy's eyes filled with tears again. 

"Tony decided to join his parents at the last minute. He was in the car as well."

The entire world stopped. 

Steve made a chocked noise behind him as he got to his feet. Bucky got up to his feet as well and ran towards the bedroom. His vision blurred and his breathing grew heavy as he struggled to take a breath. Around him the whole room spun and he pulled at his hair. 

What had he done?

Oh god.

WHAT HAD HE DONE?!

.

.

.

_"Hi! My name is Tony Stark, well my real name is Anthony, but only Jarvis calls me that even though I've told him that I don't like it. It sounds all boring and Tony sounds way cooler. Jarvis is our butler and I don't know if you've met his wife Ana makes the best cookies and she told me that if I was really good she would teach me how to make them and if she does I'll definitely tell her that we have to share with you and Steve because I can't eat all of those cookies by myself otherwise Jarvis will be really upset because he says sugar is really bad for little kids who want to grow up to be big and strong, but I don't care to be strong because I'm really smart and my dad always says that brain is always better than brawn, which it's not to say that because you look really strong you look really dumb, because you don't, but you do need a haircut, because it looks kinda dirty...was that rude? Steve should I not have said that?"_

_._

_._

_._

_"MIT is great! I made new friends! My roommate's name is James, like you, but I call him Rhodey. He introduced me to his friend Carol and her girlfriend Maria, who has a daughter names Monica who is so cute! The three of them are going to join the Airforce because they are all crazy but I appreciate that about them."_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_"Oh that's rich coming from the two of you! You two split the moment I was accepted to MIT and not once did you try to contact me. Not a call, or letter, or much less a fucking visit! I only saw you whenever I came over back home to visit which was maybe once a year! You know who did visit? OBIE! Obie was there for me, he called me regularly to check on me, made sure I was comfortable, came in and listen to me babble about robots for hours! And I am suppose to not trust him?!"_

.

.

.

.

"Buck," Steve croaked from beside him.

"I killed him. I killed Tony, Steve."

"No Buck," Steve pulled him into his arms and Bucky didn't even try to return the gesture. He didn't deserve it. "Buck it wasn't you. Obadiah did this. He used those trigger words against you and you didn't have a choice. It wasn't really you Bucky." He ripped himself away.

"How can you say that?" he cried, "He's gone Steve! Tony is gone and I did that! Do you understand that? He's gone because of me! If I had just died during the war like I was meant to-" 

"Stop."

"None of this would've happened! He would still be alive Steve! Howard, Maria. Jarvis! I killed them Steve!"

"Stop."

"And you want to sit there and tell me it wasn't me? I can't even remember doing it Steve!"

" _Stop, please._ "

"What if they didn't die on impact and I had to physically kill them huh? What if the last thing Tony saw was me putting my hands around his nec--"

"STOP!" Steve yelled, getting up as well and marching towards him, "JUST STOP!! Please! I can't--" he chocked off. Bucky panted as the tears fell from his eyes.

"I have to turn myself in Steve."

"What?!"

"Steve I'm guilty, I gotta turn myself in."

"What? No Bucky! No! It wasn't you goddamit! It wasn't you! You really want me to believe that if you had a choice you would kill To--" a sob broke off his sentence. 

"You can't even say his name Steve." 

"Because he's gone Buck! He's gone, the man we loved is gone!" Steve wailed and Bucky could only wrap him in his arms and mourn with him the death of their beloved. "He's gone Buck, and now you want to go and turn yourself in for something you couldn't control and I am going to be left alone again. With nothing and no one. What will I have to live for then?" Bucky pulled him closer.

"Stevie..."

"You said 'til the end of the line, right? So please I beg you! Stay with me! We will bring down Obadiah, who's the real murderer here! And then we'll bring down Hydra. We'll burn them to the ground once and for all." Steve leaned back and took his face between his hands. He leaned down to press a kiss to his lips and Bucky could only return it. He kissed him and shared the pain of losing their love. Steve pulled away but kept their foreheads together.

Bucky broke down in sobs and buried his face into Steve's neck and cried.

"But for now, let's just mourn him Bucky. Because I don't think I can get through this without you." Bucky could only croak out one response.

"I'm with you 'til the end of the line punk."


End file.
